Character Trait Development

This week, my goal was to focus on my ability to be optimistic. As generally an anxiety-ridden person, I knew this wouldn’t be easy. But being so down and hard on myself causes me trouble in my life, and I am motivated to change my outlook to better myself. Starting with right after class, I went and sat with some girls from class. I had started talking to this friend group and really enjoyed their company. My natural instinct was to assume everybody hated me and that was I was annoying, and thus isolate myself. I instead chose to just go with it and actively try to be outgoing. I found that I was able to mesh well with this group and being happy and optimistic became second nature. Yesterday (Thursday) my optimism was really challenged. I woke up with a head ache, missed my first class, and by the time I got to school I had to be in a meeting (environmental club), but also keep up with the other group I was committed to (journalism). I was able to do both, then with my 6th period I make up the classwork from the class I missed. I underestimated how much prep I needed for the in-class essay, and ended up writing one of the worst essays I had ever written. I started to hate myself so viciously, and doubt my ability as a writer and AP student. I was so angry, and was telling my friend about it, but then I realized that I could use this lesson. I chose to instead focus on the learning experience. I learned that next time, I shouldn’t go into it as blind, and really focus on prepping myself adequately. I told myself that there will be other opportunities to prove myself, and that I could improve from here on out. I also reminded myself that the environmental club meeting had gone wonderfully, and I was officially elected president. As one of the original founders, and the one who had consistently kept up with the project, it felt really good to be nominated for the leadership position. Since then I have been trying to focus on my good qualities instead of hyper-focusing on the negative aspects of myself. I hope to continue this method of thinking, because a permanent change would truly benefit my life and relationships.